My happiness then and my happiness now

"Right now is the oldest that I've ever been and the youngest that I'll ever be."

That line wasn't conceived by me. I read it somewhere a few months back, and I find it very fitting for the word present. It's true and there's no arguing about it. I was younger the moment that I started typing this sentence and now that I'm ending it, I'm definitely older.

As I grew up, the things that I want constantly changes. Of course, upon learning new things, my mind sails to new frontiers. And now that I'm in my early twenties--an era that I've only imagined years ago--I'm wanting more different things.

Before I met Jesus, or say, before I truly met Him, I just wanted to be happy. I didn't have a clear career choice and I sure didn't have clear life decisions, too. I just went with the flow. When an opportunity rises--like in academics, relationships, and just about everything in life--I grab it if it makes me happy. I didn't even consider back then if I'm hurting other people, even my family. My mindset was, "this is my life, my happiness." Why should I worry about someone else's?

But then again, He just cannot bear seeing me tear my young life apart like that. Tossing it aimlessly at things that didn't matter and won't matter in the long run, that was what I thought what it means to live in the moment. Needless to say, though I was happy from time to time, I was never truly happy back then. So, He came and stopped my madness.

This is not a blog on how God transformed and renewed my life. That might require me to write a whole book so I can explicitly share it, doing only little justice on how awesomely He did it. This is a post about what I realized today:

My happiness doesn't lie in me anymore. It now lies on what makes Him happy.

Well, just as a disclaimer, I am not perfect, okay? I am not claiming to be one and I'll never be one. Anyway, my point is, I just realized that whatever I conceive in my mind now somehow has to answer this question before they're formed into actions:

Will it make Him happy?

If the answer is 'no', I'll feel pain and be discouraged to act on it. But if the answer is 'yes', I'll feel delighted and excited. And so, the latter's what I'll do. Of course there are times that my feeble mind cannot do this process before I say or do things, and that hurts Him tenfold. And I feel that. I'll feel awful and guilty afterwards, and I'd never want to do it again (even though it might have felt pretty good the moment I did it).

This cycle goes on in my head. And that's how I learn. Learn how to act, learn how to speak, and learn how to live. And as a part of this learning process, I still often fail. But with His grace, I am continuously learning.

It is my prayer, as I continue to live and learn, that His wisdom take over me and not my own intellect. I pray for the stubbornness of my heart to melt away and for the pride of my heart to shatter. I want to make Him happy because it is only Him who genuinely makes me happy even if I deserve the exact opposite.

Just the other day I was told (in a conference), only dead fishes go with the flow. I certainly was a dead fish, but not anymore. He gave me a new life.

After all these years, I can now finally say that I'm doing what I really want and what I'm created to do. These are so many things, but all boils down to this: I want to make Him happy.

This is living NOW.

Discipleship 2013

* This is a late post regarding last month's event in VCF. * 

What wisdom do you have if you do not share it? And what wisdom do you boast if it is not from you?

Last month (February 9), I was privileged to attend the annual leadership conference of the Victory Christian Fellowship. Helping two beautiful young women now with their first steps in their walk with God through One2One, I am now considered a leader. But what is a leader, really?

Out of the various denotation of the word leader that I've searched, I love these two the most:

First, a leader is a guide. Being a leader already implies that you are able to pull other people to a certain goal or vision. But do all leaders really guide?

Imagine yourself in a car drive--your leader is the driver and you (a follower) is his passenger. The driver have in mind a specific place to arrive at and he's already shared that to you (that's why you came with him). Now, if the driver only steered and kept the engine running without explaining the route that you're taking or introducing the facades that you're passing through, chances are, you will arrive at your destination as if they've been blindfolded during their trip; you are no different from the person that hopped on to the ride. You were unchanged from point A to point B.

Taking up the responsibility of bringing people from one point to another doesn't only mean that you'll get them there; you must also ensure that you get them there prepared and well. You ain't just a driver--you'd be a tour guide.

Secondly, a leader conducts. He is the prime mover of the group. In our case, God is our ultimate leader (Revelation 17:14), and everyone that He called on to lead are His workers who are envisioned to follow Christ's example and teachings. Faith without action is dead (James 2:26), and so, leading with just words are futile. If God truly is the Director of our lives, you--as a leader--ain't just a storyteller or a narrator, but is an actor of God's will in His play. If your disciples aren't seeing any desirable acts and example done by you, how and why would they follow you, and ultimately, God? This case would be worse if you're teaching them something then acting out the exact opposite of your message--that's hypocrisy. You're performing before people, but that does not please God. That will just blow your credibility and your own spiritual growth.

Also, I finally realized my ultimate goal as a leader: raising a better leader than what I already am. Then, our services for Him will go on and on and on...

Overall, this leaders' convention taught me many things, and I got to share my thoughts, too. This is what I love about being a leader--I don't have to stand alone! I've got God--the ultimate source of Wisdom--and I've got these amazing people--the other leaders--with me to guide and counsel me all through out. Being a leader doesn't mean that you've got to raise your disciples on your own. It is actually an effort of the whole church in itself, just as what was proven in Discipleship 2013; we're all in this together!

And I smile for that.

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School days: Living Righteous

We all know that we must hate the sin, not the sinner. That means that we should care for the sinner, love the sinner. After all, we all are sinners. We are commanded to love one another (John 13:34).

But here's the thing: we claim our righteousness from Jesus and in Him alone, right? We are cleansed and our past sins have been wiped out of our records because of His great sacrifice and substitution. We are enjoying His righteousness--not our own!--that has been placed upon us because He accepted and literally owned all our sins and died for us. So now that we're righteous in our Father's eyes, how are we to react to our fellow sinners who haven't accepted Christ in their lives (or maybe, they already have) but continuous to sin?

Loving the sinner doesn't mean that we should overlook their wrong-doings. We shouldn't just shrug our shoulders and tell them, "That's alright. I still love you!' That's not love! Our God is a loving God. He's actually love Himself! (1 John 4:8) But even His greatness and overflowing love for us did not blind Him. He did not put His hands on His eyes to cover it from seeing how filthy we are; He actually used those hands to pull us out of that dark place called sin. He did not--does not and will not--overlook anything. He is just! (2 Thessalonians 1:6, 8) Yes, He forgave and saved us, and that came with a price. And it was a heavy one! He actually needed to sacrifice His own precious Son for us!

Having that in mind, loving the sinner doesn't equate to tolerating them. If we don't do anything about it, we're as good as supporting them. You might say 'Hey, I ain't supporting any sinner to do more sin!', but when you think about it, saying nothing is a muted 'go ahead' for them. If we truly care for them, a respectful but firm intervention is what we should give. Intervening doesn't mean that we should confront or correct them upfront. I believe that only God could correct them. It is our duty to be an example of how Christ lived and that we must let other people see that in us. Words has lesser impact than action does. If we'd talk to them but they themselves do not see anything good in us, we're being hypocrites and our righteousness is not genuine. We're actually setting a dangerous example for them.

Standing up for what God calls righteous is not easy. We may face bashing and even gain some enemies. But then again, we can never have an enemy if we won't treat them as such. They may treat you badly and mock you, but know that God is on your side and you're doing His will! (1 Peter 2:15) If we have truly given up your life to God, then must live as His son lived! It's our goal to be Christ-like in all our ways. Jesus Christ was the very sample God wants us to follow--and it's not an optional thing! We either live like Him or not truly live at all.

Personally, I'm encountering some struggles at present time about this issue. Other people see living righteously as living weird. But that shouldn't discourage us from pursuing a holy life. People nowadays are more comfortable on doing the wrong than the right. It's easier for them to sin than to stand up for what God says is right! We shouldn't let other's standards be our standards. He's the only One we should please--and pleasing Him does not require that we please and conform with the ways of this world! (Romans 12:2)

Fix your eyes on Jesus! He is our standard, not anyone else!

And though I may have cried about this, I now smile for He supplied me with the strength and courage to go through anything!

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#2

I've got my last sem's grades a couple of days ago. They weren't my best. Actually, they're the worst that I've got since I entered college. I couldn't say that I did not expect this--I was actually anticipating for them to be much worse. I slacked off last semester. My mind did not and could not take any more of my courses mainly because... I don't love 'em.

I'd really like to be an educator. Or a writer. But I am now studying a pre-med program (Pharmacy). Well actually, Medicine's been my childhood dream. But ever since I fell in love with teaching way back in my high school days, I just couldn't get it off my mind on why am I doing and learning these things instead of pursuing my dream?

Well, here comes my frown: I'm disappointed at myself.  I haven't lived up to my own set of goals when I started that semester. I was determined to get my scholarship back (which can be obtained in our school depending on your GWA on the previous semester) since I was fueled because I got accepted in a school organization/program that I've been praying for to be in.

But as I contemplated on myself, it wasn't so bad at all. Firstly, I passed all of my courses/subjects. Not everyone in my class did. Actually, I feel blessed and humbled that though I have not done my best (I can say that in all honesty, but I am not--in any way--proud of it), God didn't let me fail. It's like Him saying, "Come on, child. I've seen you do better. I've created you to be better!" I may not understand why am I on this program, but I don't need to understand. I need to trust Him. And as bad as it is, my display of lack of confidence with my studies and my frustrations about not getting into the program that I wanted for myself is an outrageous display of my mistrust in Him. But He is so faithful that my inadequacies are filled by His sufficiency. I don't deserve any of it, and yet He never failed me (literally and figuratively), ever! So how come I fail Him all the time? But, no. Oh, NO! Not anymore!

I am gonna make Him proud. I wanna please Him. It's the very message of my rants: I gotta share Him and live for Him. And I will.

Secondly, with all of these revelations and wisdom that God has blessed me to read, listen and learn about (more of that on my next posts or so), I am always in awe of His greatness. It's like I'll never stop falling in love for Him! And I like--uh, scratch that--LOVE this feeling! There's always something new to discover, a new person to meet or read about and be amazed and inspired by their works for His name, sights to enjoy, moments to capture, and more work to do for Him! There's just so many things that I'm pretty sure that there's no language that can encompass His whole greatness and all the things that He blesses me with! Knowing Him changed my perspective a whole lot. Actually, I believe that He has given me a new set of eyes--I just sometimes couldn't believe that all my life, I have missed these things that are new for me (but are actually already laid in front of everyone since the beginning of time). That I'm seeing and learning just now. I've never seen or experienced anything like it before I started my walk with Him. And I know He has planned it all along for me.

Then again, the greatest step that I ever took in my entire life was the one that started my walk with Him. It always will be.

And I smile for that.

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