A new place

So... I've stumbled and familiarized myself with WordPress and decided to shift my online publishing platform from here to there.

(Yes, it is happening!)

Nope, I am not going to lift my previous posts here, but from now on, that's where I'll be updating and blogging. :)

See you in my new site, dear readers!

https://christandelle.wordpress.com/

(And I've already posted something new there. Click here to check it out!)

My happiness then and my happiness now

"Right now is the oldest that I've ever been and the youngest that I'll ever be."

That line wasn't conceived by me. I read it somewhere a few months back, and I find it very fitting for the word present. It's true and there's no arguing about it. I was younger the moment that I started typing this sentence and now that I'm ending it, I'm definitely older.

As I grew up, the things that I want constantly changes. Of course, upon learning new things, my mind sails to new frontiers. And now that I'm in my early twenties--an era that I've only imagined years ago--I'm wanting more different things.

Before I met Jesus, or say, before I truly met Him, I just wanted to be happy. I didn't have a clear career choice and I sure didn't have clear life decisions, too. I just went with the flow. When an opportunity rises--like in academics, relationships, and just about everything in life--I grab it if it makes me happy. I didn't even consider back then if I'm hurting other people, even my family. My mindset was, "this is my life, my happiness." Why should I worry about someone else's?

But then again, He just cannot bear seeing me tear my young life apart like that. Tossing it aimlessly at things that didn't matter and won't matter in the long run, that was what I thought what it means to live in the moment. Needless to say, though I was happy from time to time, I was never truly happy back then. So, He came and stopped my madness.

This is not a blog on how God transformed and renewed my life. That might require me to write a whole book so I can explicitly share it, doing only little justice on how awesomely He did it. This is a post about what I realized today:

My happiness doesn't lie in me anymore. It now lies on what makes Him happy.

Well, just as a disclaimer, I am not perfect, okay? I am not claiming to be one and I'll never be one. Anyway, my point is, I just realized that whatever I conceive in my mind now somehow has to answer this question before they're formed into actions:

Will it make Him happy?

If the answer is 'no', I'll feel pain and be discouraged to act on it. But if the answer is 'yes', I'll feel delighted and excited. And so, the latter's what I'll do. Of course there are times that my feeble mind cannot do this process before I say or do things, and that hurts Him tenfold. And I feel that. I'll feel awful and guilty afterwards, and I'd never want to do it again (even though it might have felt pretty good the moment I did it).

This cycle goes on in my head. And that's how I learn. Learn how to act, learn how to speak, and learn how to live. And as a part of this learning process, I still often fail. But with His grace, I am continuously learning.

It is my prayer, as I continue to live and learn, that His wisdom take over me and not my own intellect. I pray for the stubbornness of my heart to melt away and for the pride of my heart to shatter. I want to make Him happy because it is only Him who genuinely makes me happy even if I deserve the exact opposite.

Just the other day I was told (in a conference), only dead fishes go with the flow. I certainly was a dead fish, but not anymore. He gave me a new life.

After all these years, I can now finally say that I'm doing what I really want and what I'm created to do. These are so many things, but all boils down to this: I want to make Him happy.

This is living NOW.

The Ocean

My family and I spent two days and one night in beach cove up north. It was our first time doing so, vacationing by camping and with no means of external communications and electricity. We had the beach almost to ourselves though it was quite large and there were a handful of local people who lived there. It was that remote, and it's the most tranquil and beautiful place that I've been into so far.

As I took a dip in the beach on our first day, I walked a little far away from the shore (with the waters up to my chest) and tried to stay perfectly still while standing so I can have a view of the whole cove itself. But of course, the waves are there. They weren't alarming, but they never let me stay in place. I was always pushed a little here and there. And as I was being rocked softly by the waves, a realization hit me: God is like the ocean. He is like the waters because:

• if you are in His presence (in the waters), He won't let you be still. He's constantly moving you, pushing you. He can't bear to see you stay where you are right now, and He does it so lovingly;
• He's pushing you towards what's best for you--the greatest things He has in store for you! (I was there to marvel at the cove, but little did I know that I have my back towards a more majestic view: the warm and magnificent sunset. But He didn't let me miss that; He turned me a hundred and eighty degrees so I can marvel at His majestic craft.);
• and His greatness is just overwhelming. And His grace, overflowing. (When I looked at the ocean towards where my eyes can reach no more, I was reminded that somehow, that's a visual representation of His love, compassion, and grace for me. And that's what all that surrounds me.)

I had such a wonderful time basking in His presence and being consumed with thoughts of Him as He points me to look at the things that He prepared me to see and look at. Every turn of my head, I know, aren't random. All were carefully planned by Him with painstaking detail so that I'd come to know Him and feel Him more!

I can never be grateful enough for everything. :]

For the earth will be filled
    with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord
    as the waters cover the sea. (Habakkuk 2:14) 

To be like Sarah

I just read a very powerful and insightful article from Ptr. Dennis Sy's blog, Act Like A Man. Written by Ptr. Faythe Santiago, it talks about the kind of man a (Godly) woman should look for.

Here's my favorite part of the article. A short yet powerful line worth remembering:

If women ought to be submissive like Sarah, then they must have an ABRAHAM to lead them, a man worth following! (Pertaining to 1 Peter 3:5)

Abraham is a man of vision, faith, and obedience. We have to be a Sarah to a man who loves God with his all and above all!

You can read the whole piece here:

What Kind of a Man a Woman Want

It's been a LONG while

It's really been a long time since I last posted anything here, but that doesn't mean that God's blessings have stopped--it's actually the opposite. I got quite busy being overwhelmed with His generous and gracious character. He's been stretching out my faith, surprising me here and there, making me fall in love with Love Himself.

I am sure of His love, and I cold not ask for more.

You can't help everyone, but HE CAN and HE DOES!

* I am very much aware of Matthew 6:2-4, but I really felt the urge to share this experience. What I want to highlight anyway is how God tugs the heart of many, and His reminder for me and my realization afterwards. If you are to read this, please focus on those things. *

As I was taking my regular jeepney ride home tonight, I thought of buying a canned coffee for myself. (I'm sort of becoming a caffeine-lover again, I guess.) And so when I got off my ride and walked towards the convenience store, I walked past a mother with a baby asking for alms. I felt a tug in my heart to help them, but before I could even react, the man walking before me stopped. He fished some coins from his pocket, walked back a little to them, and handed the coins to the mother's cupped hand.

I felt my chest go warm and I smiled. I just witnessed an act of kindness in an instant. But I felt quite sad for I didn't get to do it before the man did. I was quite afraid to get my purse from my bag and hand them some money for someone might steal my purse from my very hands as I do it. I wished I had some food with me, but God comforted me with this thought: 

"Worry no more, young one. I already got someone to help them."

I smiled and obeyed, but when I took a step further, I saw in my left side an old woman sitting by the last step of a footbridge. She's staring blankly ahead, her right arm placed on her knee to extend her palm out. She's also begging for something but no one's taking notice of her.

I saw her, but I did not stop. I'm now only five steps away from the convenience store, and I said to myself, whatever food that I'd see first, I'd buy it for lola. Before I even entered the store I already saw big siopaos being steamed inside the store's food kiosk. Ah, there!

And so I walked up to the refrigerators first to grab my coffee, and then I headed to the siopao steamer. I was about to open it when a woman beside me politely asked, "Excuse me, pwedeng patulong?" ("Excuse me, but could you please help me?") She was holding a pair of tongs in one hand and a bag of groceries on the other.

I smiled--another opportunity to help! "Sure!"

"Kakagawa ko lang kasi ng nails ko, hindi ako makakuha ng hotdog sandwich. Baka pwedeng patulong kumuha ng dalawa?" ("I just got a manicure and it's already ruined but I haven't got any sandwiches. Can you please get two hot dog sandwiches for me?")

The hot dog steamer is just beside the siopao steamer. "Oh, sige po. Alin po dito?" ("Oh, of course. Which ones?") Here, she asked a small girl beside her which I didn't notice to be there before. I didn't get to look at the girl (for I was placing my coffee down first and readying a plastic for the first sandwich), but I heard her say "Kahit alin po." ("Anything's fine.") The woman then pointed to me two jumbo hot dogs and I placed them into their buns. I handed the sandwiches to the lady and she held them carefully, trying not to let her nails touch them. I smiled and she thanked me for more than three times, I think.

I was glad.

Then I proceeded to get lola's siopao now. I placed it on a plastic and headed to the counter. In front of me in the queue was the woman and the girl with sandwiches. It was only then that I noticed that the child had some grease and dirt all over her face and shirt. She was quiet, but she looked intently on the sandwiches that the woman holds. The woman spoke to her in a low voice, "Ilang taon ka na kasi?" (How old are you again?") "Four," the child replied. The woman just smiled at her and it was her turn to pay now. After she did, she handed the sandwiches to the girl and they walked out of the store together. I looked at them as I placed my items in the counter, and I saw the woman give the girl a pat on the head and off they went to different directions.

I smiled again. That's the second person that I saw tonight helping someone. And all of this happened within the last ten minutes or less.

I paid for my items now, excited to deliver the hot siopao to lola. As the clerk handed me what I purchased, I got my coffee out of the plastic and placed it in my bag. And so I left the convenience store and walked back to lola. When I got close to her, she looked at me with her blank stare. I smiled at her, leaned over, and placed the siopao in her right hand with its palm facing up. She didn't even look at it, but she slowly smiled at me. Then she looked at her hand slowly and used her other hand to feel what's inside. She smiled some more. "Thank you, anak," she said. ("Thank you, child.")

I talked with her a bit, asking if she's alone and where would she head home. She answered me and explained that she's living at someone else's place; not her own.

"Ah, naku uwi na po kayo. Medyo late na po." ("Oh, then please go home now. It's quite late already.")

"Oo. Salamat dito." ("Yes, I will. Thanks for this.")

I smiled again and she answered it with a weak one, but sweet. I felt glad. My heart felt joy... but I remembered the mother and child nearby again. My heart sank because I don't have enough money to buy a sandwich or siopao for them too, and though I've seen someone giving them help already, I cannot shake off my thoughts about them. My heart ached. So I got up and decided to take a peak at them before I leave.

To my surprise, I saw the girl with the hot dog sandwiches sitting beside the mother with the baby, enjoying a whole sandwich by herself while the mother is eating the other one.

My mouth literally hanged open for a few seconds. It took a few moments before everything clicked to me. And then I heard God whisper to me, "Didn't I tell you to stop worrying about them? I've already got them covered."

"But I was just..."

"I know, young one. But you know, I don't expect you to help everyone. Just help the ones that I point out to you. I have provided you enough to help one, and you did."

I was speechless.

"I have provided others to help the others. So stop worrying about everyone--that's my job. Your job is to obey and to trust me. I've already planned your life and their lives. I care for all of you."

And that is how God reminded me tonight that HE IS IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING and that HE IS MINDFUL OF EVERYONE.

That He is sovereign and that nothing is unplanned for Him.

That I am a mere tool for His glorious plans.

I didn't help anyone tonight--God did.

I didn't get to help everyone tonight--God does.



******************************************************

And to my surprise, when I got home, I have a siopao waiting for me. Apparently papa bought one for me this afternoon. I had no idea. It was God's idea.

When mama told me about my siopao, I felt in awe of how God blesses me. Agad-agad!
Iba ka talaga Lord!

Who's next?

Yesterday, Victory held its annual Leader's convergence: Discipleship 2014. It's a once a year gathering of all the Victory group leaders (and potential leaders, too!) to update everyone of the church's overall growth. But most importantly, this once a year event is being held to encourage the leaders to continue to strive for our ultimate goal and mission: to honor God and make disciples.

Last year's convergence was a great experience, but this one's even better! It was held in 15 different locations simultaneously all over Metro Manila (how awesome is that?!). Thank God for technology! Pastor Steve Murell (the founding pastor of Victory in Manila, Philippines) gave us a talk about what we are to do for the next years to come: to continue to honor God and make disciples. Basically, it's what Pastor Steve and her wife Deborah has been doing since they came to the Philippines 30 years ago, and they've cultivated this church with the culture of raising leaders that'll raise another leader to lead the next leaders. It's what's discipleship is: a never-ending chain of leadership with the goal of spreading the Gospel to more and more people. And we'll continue to do that for all the glorious days, months, years, and decades our Lord will bless us with.

I've come up with my own quote from last year's event, 'What wisdom do you have if you do not share it?' For this year, as we continue to live that passing on of the baton virtue, we're now asking, "Who's next?" Who's next that I'll engage with? Who's next that I'll establish the Word on? Who's next that I'll equip to be be the next discipler, just like how God has equipped me? And who's next that I'll empower to go forth and repeat this cycle with the next one, just like how God has empowered me to do to him?

My prayer now is to be able to meet the next person that I'll introduce to the greatest Lover, Teacher, and Friend... soon! :] I actually bought something from the event's special merchandise for my next disciple: this keychain! Ah, yes! I am this much excited for the next one, praying for her, buying her gifts, and all! *giggles*

[ Oh, and that book? It's Pastor Steve's latest one: 100 YEARS FROM NOW. It's not yet available here in the Philippines. Only the ones who attended Discipleship 2014 has a copy. And we got it for free! Can't wait to indulge this book! ]

Visit Victory's recap article about Discipleship 2014 here!

You may also go to discipleship.ph to get awesome Victory group materials for free!

FIGHT!

This year, I've participated again in our church's prayer and fasting week. Our main topic for 2014 is to fight the good fight of faith. It focuses on the verses that chronicled the components of the armor and weapon that every Christian must wear--the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes with the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of spirit.

As we concluded the prayer and fasting, I've got a new-found appreciation for the Word. I find the last piece of our battle suit to be the most powerful above all: the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I justify that conclusion with this simple thought that I had during the prayer and fasting: all the other pieces are from the Word!

I've already encountered these verses (Ephesians 6:10-17) on one of my personal bible reading sessions. I can't recall exactly when that was, but I remember being in awe of the Word--of how specific it can actually get and how beautifully written it actually is. I was just new with my faith then, and almost everything in the Bible either leaves me with a smile on my face or tears in my eyes. Up to this day, the Word still does that to me.

It's almost next to impossible not to be moved and be struck by God's word. If you aren't, then you haven't fully understood what you've just read. You haven't dug your Bible so deep that you got lost in the midst of God's glorious wonders. You haven't appreciated your Lord and Savior yet.

Without knowing the Word, we won't even know what we'll need to protect, how to be ready for the battle, and why we have to put this armor on all the time. Ultimately, it is only through seeking God can we equip ourselves to fight the enemy. And that is to be done through studying the Word. The Bible is our ultimate guide and most reliable resource in order to have a deeper understanding of God's true nature, His power above all, and His beautiful promises to us.

The word of God are so many things to us: it is our foundation, our daily bread, our life map, our virtue manual, our life coach, our companion, our weapon. It is our friend and companion. It is God Himself (John 1:1). By that alone, you can not not feel closer to our greatest Lover while reading His word. You are reading Him.

But you can't just read Him--you need to understand Him! Plant the Word deep into your heart as you read it and meditate on its message. Seek help if you're having difficulties interpreting it. It is a true delight to one's heart once he got to decipher God's messages of love for him, I tell you. It's one of the most intimate 'bonding time' that you could ever have with our Father. With praying, we let Him hear our hearts... but with reading His word, we let Him speak to our hearts.

Truly knowing the Word means truly knowing God. And truly knowing God means being truly ready to face and crush the enemy. Anytime, anywhere.

Let's get it on!

************************************************************

Did you pray and fast for this year, too? Share with me your experiences and reflections! You may also share your faith goals to me and I'd gladly pray for you and with you.

Special thanks to Victory for organizing our prayer and fasting week very well!

It's been a while...

...since I posted something up in here. My drafts have piled up, and I couldn't seem to come up with a satisfying entry even though God has showered and blessed me throughout this year. Maybe I've been too drawn into savoring and enjoying God's grace and surprises. And I've been frustrated on how I cannot encompass God's greatness moving within me through my works. I cannot do justice capturing His beauty and grandness!

And then I realized, of course, I can never do that. It's just that God is the greatest and the most wonderful Artist--the Master of all! He is UNCONTAINABLE! I can only try--and I've been embracing His greatness ever since--but I just won't amass the right words to fully express what can only be felt and experienced.

And so, I must learn to do away with these frustrations of mine. Now, I shall come back to glorifying Him through my humble writings.

IGNITE 2013

A month ago, Every Nation held a three-day Asian Campus Conference here in Manila: the IGNITE 2013!

I was blessed to be a part of this second IGNITE conference. It only happens once every two years, and every delegates from all the Asian countries with Every Nation churches are encouraged to go. IGNITE 2013 is hosted by LifeBox, the campus ministry of Every Nation Philippines. This year’s theme is “Holiness: Holy God, Holy Life, Holy Calling.” Their vision is to stir up a passion in everyone to pursue God’s holiness even in a world that disregards it. (See more here)

The conference had seven sessions, focusing on a certain biblical character on each and envisioning that character in today's setting: the modern day campus dwellers. Here's my take on what I learned and gained knowledge of in those sessions:

Session 1: JOSHUA -- Consecrate and Concentrate!

The speaker, Mr. Olajide Pariola emphasized the significance of dedicating oneself for a sacred purpose, which is to be holy. We are called to be holy because we serve a holy God. Separating ourselves from the 'rubbish' that this world surrounds us with will help us to concentrate on how to live a pleasing and glorifying life for our Lord.

   

Here's another point that I got from this session:

Be holy, not do holiness. It's who you are, not what you do.

Session 2: DANIEL -- Resolve or Dissolve?

As Ptr. Edrei Canda talked about Daniel, he highlighted the two options that we have today in our fighting chance of living a holy life: to resolve and take a stand or to dissolve and melt into the a culture. This is a good point to discuss among the youth, for it is a real battling issue for everyone. Peer pressure, temptations, persecutions, bashing and the like are all round every Christian youth, and it is not easy to just shrug these things off. It's so hard to live holy when almost everything around you seems to be pulling you into the opposite direction!

But as Nate Punzalan pointed out in this quote:

knowing and being secured with all the promises that the Lord gave us as His precious sons and daughters, we wouldn't even dare to go astray! For we know that God has the best things in store for us. That His plans are far greater than whatever we could ever conceive. So who would you trust yourself with? The world who has constantly persecuted and inflicted pain on you, or to Jesus Christ who did nothing to harm you? Who comforts you, and who actually saved and redeemed you? Who gave you life and light?

Session 3: ESTHER -- God provides the opportunity & ability!

Ms. Lianne Silla talked about the position and situation God has placed Esther in her time to be able to make a difference to her people. Esther's life is a good reflection of how God is truly mindful of our every situation, and that He does not do things for nothing. He has planned our lives for specific purposes and He carefully threads our situations that will be favorable and in line with His plans.

We may not understand immediately why and how did we end up in such situations, but if we hold still in His unfailing love and guidance, we are sure to see His will for us and He Himself will grace us with everything that we'll need to materialize His plans. Our God will never let us down, so if He has set you to do something for Him and His people, we should take heart and courage from our Ultimate Provider, and glorify His name by fulfilling our destinies determined by Him.

Session 4: SAMSON -- Don't trade your birthright for something that feels right!

For this part, Ptr. CJ Nunag tackled the sad fate of Samson; a blessed man who tuned his focus away from God and in the end, was left by God. He is such an iconic Bible character, but understanding his poor choices and decision makings is such a pitiful experience. As was pointed out in Session 3, when God provides the opportunity and the ability--a thing which is bountiful in Samson--we should use both to glorify His name and do His will.  But Samson was blinded by what this world had offered him, and he let himself be succumbed.

The gifts and potentials that God gave us are tools for the fulfillment of His grand plans. We shouldn't waste them, making ourselves a tool of the enemy. We are born for more glorious things!

Session 5: ANANIAS -- Be bold and conquer your fears!

Everyone gets jitters when asked to disciple someone. Especially if that someone is way beyond of our league, and is actually very vocal about not wanting to be a part of any 'spiritual' stuff. Well, God actually asked us to "go and make disciples", and no one is exempted from this order! Ptr. Dan Monterde talked about the importance of discipleship and being a disciple.

Before you came to know Christ, someone had been bold enough to invite you or to share with you the Gospel. Someone took a leap of faith and conquered his fears of rejection or persecution, with the thought of wanting you to be saved and be blessed. God sent that someone for you, and aren't you glad that He did? You are now experiencing His great, overflowing love because someone introduces you to Him! Wouldn't you want that happiness and love be felt by everyone, anyone? Especially the people close to you? Well, God is now sending you to these people to make them closer to Him!

Session 6: JONAH -- Will you run away from God's calling?

The life of Jonah depicts a life of faith, but lacking of courage. Jonah has been talking directly to God and he has received so many favors from Him. But when he was asked to go forth someplace, he refused and ran away from God! How is this possible? Why did fear get the better of this blessed man?

Sometimes, we get overwhelmed by the things that God has called us to do, thinking that there is no way that we can do such. Or sometimes we have other things in mind that we'd like to get busy with. Nonetheless, turning back from God's will is never a great scenario. First is that we're disobeying the will of the Perfect Planner, the Author of all things! Second is we'll be missing out the best moments of our lives--the fulfilling sense of being able to glorify our Father.

Whatever our reasons may be, there should actually never be a reason to go out of God's paved path for us.

Session 7: PAUL -- The radical disciple

Ptr. Steve Murell pointed out Paul's character as someone who "considered his life 'worth nothing' compared to everything that Jesus did for him." Only if every sinner would have the same perspective as Paul, it'd be a better and brighter world for everyone! But not all has the knowledge of the race that we're in--sharing the gospel and proclaiming God's goodness and greatness--, the task that we're given--our mission to make disciples and make Jesus' sacrifice for everyone be known to men--, and the gospel that we share--Jesus lived the life we should have lived and died the way we should have died!

And because we know these three things, we should spread these to everyone! Not among ourselves who's already been equipped by God to be His witnesses, but to the people who still hasn't got a clue of the light that Jesus had shed for them so they could have a new life!

All in all, this experience has been a wonderful and an emotional thing for me. I was pumped up to GO OUT more for Christ, and share how He changed me and my life as a whole.

We ended the conference with a declaration:

I AM SOLD FOR CHRIST!

I want what He wants!

When we pray for something, we have that confidence that God hears us and will surely answer our pleas. If one does not have that, why would one pray in the first place?

A great professor of mine once told our class, "God has only three ways to answer our prayers." He then picked up a chalk and scribbled three words on the board: Yes, No, and Wait. I haven't realized it before, but he was right. And I haven't fully understood the latter two answers until God actually answered me with those.

Planting our faith firmly on our Savior, Jesus Christ, we all conclude our prayers with 'in Jesus' name, amen!', 'through Christ, Your Son, Our Lord, amen!', and the like. We do this because we know that no one comes to the Father except through Him (John 14:6, 1 Timothy 2:5). And with the strong sense of favor that we have from Him, in our hearts and in mind, we are confident that God would answer us positively. And yet, if God does that, would He still be God at all? If you're own plans and longings shall be granted to you each time you'd ask, everyone will be out of control and ask God everything as if He's a vending machine--you put some bill on it (prayers) and you expect to have in return the exact thing that you chose (answers). But God does not work that way! According to 1 John 5:14,

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us."

We are encouraged to present all our requests to God by praying (Philippians 4:6), but we must not forget that His plans are better than ours. Actually, they are the best of the best! And our human intellect will never, ever come up with the brilliant ideas that God has in store for us on our own; not even close! With this in mind, we should not feel bitter about 'unanswered prayers'. Actually, no such thing exists! It's that that we may be ignoring His answers because we're too busy waiting for what we want.

I haven't been able to update this blog, and with all the things that has happened to me in between my last post and this, I can say that God truly wanted me to embrace and accept this as a fact: I am not gonna get everything that I want because He's already planned out when will He give me everything that I need that are immensely beyond what I asked for.

Discipleship 2013

* This is a late post regarding last month's event in VCF. * 

What wisdom do you have if you do not share it? And what wisdom do you boast if it is not from you?

Last month (February 9), I was privileged to attend the annual leadership conference of the Victory Christian Fellowship. Helping two beautiful young women now with their first steps in their walk with God through One2One, I am now considered a leader. But what is a leader, really?

Out of the various denotation of the word leader that I've searched, I love these two the most:

First, a leader is a guide. Being a leader already implies that you are able to pull other people to a certain goal or vision. But do all leaders really guide?

Imagine yourself in a car drive--your leader is the driver and you (a follower) is his passenger. The driver have in mind a specific place to arrive at and he's already shared that to you (that's why you came with him). Now, if the driver only steered and kept the engine running without explaining the route that you're taking or introducing the facades that you're passing through, chances are, you will arrive at your destination as if they've been blindfolded during their trip; you are no different from the person that hopped on to the ride. You were unchanged from point A to point B.

Taking up the responsibility of bringing people from one point to another doesn't only mean that you'll get them there; you must also ensure that you get them there prepared and well. You ain't just a driver--you'd be a tour guide.

Secondly, a leader conducts. He is the prime mover of the group. In our case, God is our ultimate leader (Revelation 17:14), and everyone that He called on to lead are His workers who are envisioned to follow Christ's example and teachings. Faith without action is dead (James 2:26), and so, leading with just words are futile. If God truly is the Director of our lives, you--as a leader--ain't just a storyteller or a narrator, but is an actor of God's will in His play. If your disciples aren't seeing any desirable acts and example done by you, how and why would they follow you, and ultimately, God? This case would be worse if you're teaching them something then acting out the exact opposite of your message--that's hypocrisy. You're performing before people, but that does not please God. That will just blow your credibility and your own spiritual growth.

Also, I finally realized my ultimate goal as a leader: raising a better leader than what I already am. Then, our services for Him will go on and on and on...

Overall, this leaders' convention taught me many things, and I got to share my thoughts, too. This is what I love about being a leader--I don't have to stand alone! I've got God--the ultimate source of Wisdom--and I've got these amazing people--the other leaders--with me to guide and counsel me all through out. Being a leader doesn't mean that you've got to raise your disciples on your own. It is actually an effort of the whole church in itself, just as what was proven in Discipleship 2013; we're all in this together!

And I smile for that.

:( count: 4

:) count: 9

Starting my year with more of HIM!

Two weeks ago, I participated in the annual Prayer and Fasting of the Victory Christian Fellowship. It was my first time in doing so, and honestly, I have not prepared for it physically. I have been praying about this fasting long before (since I first heard about it), but I never knew that I should have gradually prepared my physical body, too. And due to being a first timer, I was advised not to do the water only or liquid fast so I opted to take only two servings of oatmeal a day--a very challenging take to my body which was accustomed to 'eat-whenever-you-want-and-don't-if-you-don't-feel-like-it'. But thanks to God's unfailing guidance and sustenance, I have gone through the week without any difficulties.

Now that I look back at it, that week was actually one of my most peaceful and fast-paced week, ever. I learned and digested a lot with what our praying and fasting handbook offered us. And during those five days of praying, meditating, reading and just talking to Him (while doing school works and stuff and everything in between), aside from what our handbook taught me, I got to realize these five things:

#1: We allocate/spend so much time and money on food

First of all, I should clarify that I found nothing wrong about this. It's just that I have failed to see this before in my self and was actually surprised by this mere fact: we do spend a lot and eat a lot! I think we people eat like we breathe. Being a student, fueling up to get by tons of school work and spending hours in school, most of our allowance goes down the drain for food. From our lunches to small confections like candies and gums, I saw for the first time what we use our mouths for the most--it's either by talking or eating. On normal days, we spend more time chewing something off than reading the bible or praying or meditating. And since it is my first time defying my physical body's needs in order to focus more on Him, I realized that if I get to combine all the time I spend eating and devoting it to my quiet time, I think I might have finished all my unread/pending inspirational books and some books in the bible I've been targeting to finish by now.

I should work on managing my time and spending on food that my body desires and indulge and focus more on what would satisfy my deepest hunger--the bread of life.


#2: We have too many 'pop-up' priorities

You alone are God of all. You alone are worthy, Lord!

You know about those things that aren't really in your schedule, and yet when it comes to your attention, it suddenly holds all of your focus and worry that you think that you just got to do it, ASAP! I think everyone has experienced that. I did, and I still do. And we have sooooo many of those pop-up priorities that most of the times, we spend our times just worrying about them and letting that worry eat up our time. Then, we'd fail to attend to even a single one in our agenda and we end up not finishing anything. Sometimes, by just thinking about those, they could literally sucks up all your energy! No matter how much we try to organize, there'd still be a sudden thing that will come up and these may cloud our judgement and priority setting.

Having to fast for the first time, I just realized how much pop-ups I encounter mainly because I had more time being preoccupied by quietness and stillness (and by that, I don't mean that my quiet time is nothing. I do it as a personal 'emptying time'--an intimate moment where I try to detach myself from this world and just be in His presence.) But I realized that there's a dangerous part right there: emptying yourself makes you vulnerable to anything that wants to enter you. So here's what I concluded: for every ounce of anything that I'll empty my self of, I shall acquire a ton of God's greatness in me to fill that gap so that nothing and no one else--not even the dirty tactics of the enemy--may infiltrate my frail and human heart. Do not let yourself be a prey to the hungry lion (1 Peter 5:8). Pray for His guidance and security of keeping you away from the enemy's darkness.


#3: We fail to pray for what isn't within our grasp

With all I am I live to see Your kingdom come, and in my heart I pray you'd let Your will be done.

As our busy life goes, we tend to do or attend to things that we need right now or to get what the moment calls for. It's the same with our faith; we pray for things that we need/want right away. It's like acknowledging things just because they've come to our attention now, praying earnestly for it, though in the past, you might have never even thought of it. What kind of trust are we showing Him when we do that? Is that the right display of our surrender to His will and power over us?

I learned from this realization that this isn't how God wants us to communicate with Him. I realized that we should always pray for whatever God has planned for us even long before it is to be revealed. We do have an assurance that God has planned each and every detail of our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), and yet, why do we still get surprised or scared whenever a new wind blows our way? Praying in advance for the unknown brings comfort and peace inside of us that only God could instill in us. And when we practice this--praying for everything that His plans for our future holds--whenever grand things come our way (may it be blessings or struggles) we would be at ease knowing that God will get you through anything. Trusting Him completely and laying everything down to Him is the key for that inner peace that everyone desires! (Psalms 62:8)


#4: Strengthening my faith means that I should become weaker

...'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home, I'll trust in You!

Out of all the new year prayers that my friends have shared with me, one have struck me to be the most eccentric and most interesting. He concluded his message to me with a "... and above all, I pray that you become weaker this 2013!" Of course my initial reaction was... "WHAAAAAAAAT?" Then I realized as he explained that "I am praying for that because you got to be weak so you'd be more dependent on Him!" And then, I got his point. The irony of that message was written in John 3:30; Having less of our self means more space for God in our lives. Humbling our self means more glory to our Father. One might say, 'What if you'll loose your identity in the process, being all clingy and relying too much on God?' Well, what's wrong with that? That's actually how God wants us to be! What other identity do you need other than the one that you have in Christ and Christ has in you? Also, being dependent on Him about everything means acknowledging His overall control in our lives and not relying on our imperfect thinking, reasoning and feelings on how to live each day. It doesn't mean that we're just gonna sit back, relax, do all the praying and not move an inch; it simply means that we'd use all the things that God blesses us with with our lives but more importantly, that we'd trust and owe Him whatever fruits our works may bear.


#5: I have an unlimited access to Him

You are the voice that called the universe to be, You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me.

This concept isn't new to me, but going through the praying and fasting week, I appreciated it more than I did before. Basically having more spare time (like my lunch and dinner time) than the usual, my mind was constantly preoccupied by Him! It may be a word or a verse that He let me read at that time, or maybe a situation on my present time that He's brought up to my vision. Well, whatever it may be, He just practically talked and talked to me, and I was freely talking to Him, too! It feels good that we are blessed to have this never-ending connection with Him that no matter what I'm doing or wherever I am, I have the privilege and liberty to talk to Him and Him to me. It made me feel closer and more intimate with Him. We have a real relationship! We communicate and interact. We both take our time talking and listening. And I am deeply grateful about how much He welcomes me into His greatness.

All in all, I may not have readied my body for the physical challenges that I have undergone during the fasting, but ultimately, I now know this for certain: no matter how much you think you are ready for His blessings and wisdom, you'll always be a child in awe of what He'll give, show and let you know. I am in awe of Him! Always. :)

[All the lyrics quoted in this entry was from the song 'Til I See You by Hillsong]