You can't help everyone, but HE CAN and HE DOES!

* I am very much aware of Matthew 6:2-4, but I really felt the urge to share this experience. What I want to highlight anyway is how God tugs the heart of many, and His reminder for me and my realization afterwards. If you are to read this, please focus on those things. *

As I was taking my regular jeepney ride home tonight, I thought of buying a canned coffee for myself. (I'm sort of becoming a caffeine-lover again, I guess.) And so when I got off my ride and walked towards the convenience store, I walked past a mother with a baby asking for alms. I felt a tug in my heart to help them, but before I could even react, the man walking before me stopped. He fished some coins from his pocket, walked back a little to them, and handed the coins to the mother's cupped hand.

I felt my chest go warm and I smiled. I just witnessed an act of kindness in an instant. But I felt quite sad for I didn't get to do it before the man did. I was quite afraid to get my purse from my bag and hand them some money for someone might steal my purse from my very hands as I do it. I wished I had some food with me, but God comforted me with this thought: 

"Worry no more, young one. I already got someone to help them."

I smiled and obeyed, but when I took a step further, I saw in my left side an old woman sitting by the last step of a footbridge. She's staring blankly ahead, her right arm placed on her knee to extend her palm out. She's also begging for something but no one's taking notice of her.

I saw her, but I did not stop. I'm now only five steps away from the convenience store, and I said to myself, whatever food that I'd see first, I'd buy it for lola. Before I even entered the store I already saw big siopaos being steamed inside the store's food kiosk. Ah, there!

And so I walked up to the refrigerators first to grab my coffee, and then I headed to the siopao steamer. I was about to open it when a woman beside me politely asked, "Excuse me, pwedeng patulong?" ("Excuse me, but could you please help me?") She was holding a pair of tongs in one hand and a bag of groceries on the other.

I smiled--another opportunity to help! "Sure!"

"Kakagawa ko lang kasi ng nails ko, hindi ako makakuha ng hotdog sandwich. Baka pwedeng patulong kumuha ng dalawa?" ("I just got a manicure and it's already ruined but I haven't got any sandwiches. Can you please get two hot dog sandwiches for me?")

The hot dog steamer is just beside the siopao steamer. "Oh, sige po. Alin po dito?" ("Oh, of course. Which ones?") Here, she asked a small girl beside her which I didn't notice to be there before. I didn't get to look at the girl (for I was placing my coffee down first and readying a plastic for the first sandwich), but I heard her say "Kahit alin po." ("Anything's fine.") The woman then pointed to me two jumbo hot dogs and I placed them into their buns. I handed the sandwiches to the lady and she held them carefully, trying not to let her nails touch them. I smiled and she thanked me for more than three times, I think.

I was glad.

Then I proceeded to get lola's siopao now. I placed it on a plastic and headed to the counter. In front of me in the queue was the woman and the girl with sandwiches. It was only then that I noticed that the child had some grease and dirt all over her face and shirt. She was quiet, but she looked intently on the sandwiches that the woman holds. The woman spoke to her in a low voice, "Ilang taon ka na kasi?" (How old are you again?") "Four," the child replied. The woman just smiled at her and it was her turn to pay now. After she did, she handed the sandwiches to the girl and they walked out of the store together. I looked at them as I placed my items in the counter, and I saw the woman give the girl a pat on the head and off they went to different directions.

I smiled again. That's the second person that I saw tonight helping someone. And all of this happened within the last ten minutes or less.

I paid for my items now, excited to deliver the hot siopao to lola. As the clerk handed me what I purchased, I got my coffee out of the plastic and placed it in my bag. And so I left the convenience store and walked back to lola. When I got close to her, she looked at me with her blank stare. I smiled at her, leaned over, and placed the siopao in her right hand with its palm facing up. She didn't even look at it, but she slowly smiled at me. Then she looked at her hand slowly and used her other hand to feel what's inside. She smiled some more. "Thank you, anak," she said. ("Thank you, child.")

I talked with her a bit, asking if she's alone and where would she head home. She answered me and explained that she's living at someone else's place; not her own.

"Ah, naku uwi na po kayo. Medyo late na po." ("Oh, then please go home now. It's quite late already.")

"Oo. Salamat dito." ("Yes, I will. Thanks for this.")

I smiled again and she answered it with a weak one, but sweet. I felt glad. My heart felt joy... but I remembered the mother and child nearby again. My heart sank because I don't have enough money to buy a sandwich or siopao for them too, and though I've seen someone giving them help already, I cannot shake off my thoughts about them. My heart ached. So I got up and decided to take a peak at them before I leave.

To my surprise, I saw the girl with the hot dog sandwiches sitting beside the mother with the baby, enjoying a whole sandwich by herself while the mother is eating the other one.

My mouth literally hanged open for a few seconds. It took a few moments before everything clicked to me. And then I heard God whisper to me, "Didn't I tell you to stop worrying about them? I've already got them covered."

"But I was just..."

"I know, young one. But you know, I don't expect you to help everyone. Just help the ones that I point out to you. I have provided you enough to help one, and you did."

I was speechless.

"I have provided others to help the others. So stop worrying about everyone--that's my job. Your job is to obey and to trust me. I've already planned your life and their lives. I care for all of you."

And that is how God reminded me tonight that HE IS IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING and that HE IS MINDFUL OF EVERYONE.

That He is sovereign and that nothing is unplanned for Him.

That I am a mere tool for His glorious plans.

I didn't help anyone tonight--God did.

I didn't get to help everyone tonight--God does.



******************************************************

And to my surprise, when I got home, I have a siopao waiting for me. Apparently papa bought one for me this afternoon. I had no idea. It was God's idea.

When mama told me about my siopao, I felt in awe of how God blesses me. Agad-agad!
Iba ka talaga Lord!

Discipleship 2013

* This is a late post regarding last month's event in VCF. * 

What wisdom do you have if you do not share it? And what wisdom do you boast if it is not from you?

Last month (February 9), I was privileged to attend the annual leadership conference of the Victory Christian Fellowship. Helping two beautiful young women now with their first steps in their walk with God through One2One, I am now considered a leader. But what is a leader, really?

Out of the various denotation of the word leader that I've searched, I love these two the most:

First, a leader is a guide. Being a leader already implies that you are able to pull other people to a certain goal or vision. But do all leaders really guide?

Imagine yourself in a car drive--your leader is the driver and you (a follower) is his passenger. The driver have in mind a specific place to arrive at and he's already shared that to you (that's why you came with him). Now, if the driver only steered and kept the engine running without explaining the route that you're taking or introducing the facades that you're passing through, chances are, you will arrive at your destination as if they've been blindfolded during their trip; you are no different from the person that hopped on to the ride. You were unchanged from point A to point B.

Taking up the responsibility of bringing people from one point to another doesn't only mean that you'll get them there; you must also ensure that you get them there prepared and well. You ain't just a driver--you'd be a tour guide.

Secondly, a leader conducts. He is the prime mover of the group. In our case, God is our ultimate leader (Revelation 17:14), and everyone that He called on to lead are His workers who are envisioned to follow Christ's example and teachings. Faith without action is dead (James 2:26), and so, leading with just words are futile. If God truly is the Director of our lives, you--as a leader--ain't just a storyteller or a narrator, but is an actor of God's will in His play. If your disciples aren't seeing any desirable acts and example done by you, how and why would they follow you, and ultimately, God? This case would be worse if you're teaching them something then acting out the exact opposite of your message--that's hypocrisy. You're performing before people, but that does not please God. That will just blow your credibility and your own spiritual growth.

Also, I finally realized my ultimate goal as a leader: raising a better leader than what I already am. Then, our services for Him will go on and on and on...

Overall, this leaders' convention taught me many things, and I got to share my thoughts, too. This is what I love about being a leader--I don't have to stand alone! I've got God--the ultimate source of Wisdom--and I've got these amazing people--the other leaders--with me to guide and counsel me all through out. Being a leader doesn't mean that you've got to raise your disciples on your own. It is actually an effort of the whole church in itself, just as what was proven in Discipleship 2013; we're all in this together!

And I smile for that.

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:) count: 9

My thanksgiving :)

So many things can happen within a day--let alone, a whole year! As we are now down to the last hours of 2012, I've looked back to the days of this year and how it all turned out. I reminisced through my personal blog what I've gone and been through, all the things that I witnessed and experienced, and most of all, what I learned and gained.

Early this year, I experienced such a life-changing moment: meeting Him. True, I grew up knowing Him, but I never truly gave it a thought of who He really is. A friend invited me and a couple of other people to a youth service (to which he's been inviting us for so long) and I could now say that that was a stepping stone for me. Since that night, my hunger and thirst for Him has gone to their extremes--I was kind of addicted and excited about the whole thing! Good thing there are lots of people who helped me as I searched my way through. The more I knew about Him--His life, His works and His wisdom--the more I fell in love with Him. I've never felt so blessed (and honestly, I actually never knew the real meaning of being 'truly blessed' in the past) before! It's like my whole world literally was shaken by Him--in an aweeeesome way--so I could see Him, face Him and know Him.

I've learned so many truths and I do not intend to stop learning. I'm actually still being surprised and is deeply in awe whenever I learn a new thing about Him! Now that I have a relationship with Him, all I wanna do is serve Him. I want other people to know Him and be amazed, too! When you've experienced Him working in your life, you can only pray that may every people experience and feel His greatness as you have. I know He's got a plan for everyone, and all will be done according to His schedule--His own perfect timing. Just as I was tapped by Him that night on the 27th of January, I know every people will have that moment, too. He's preparing us for that. Our whole lives will come to that.

I've received so many blessings this year, may it be spiritual or material things. But I don't find the same bliss and contentedness with the material ones as I do with the spiritual ones. Having known Him, I can now only account for the abundance of my spiritual gain. It's not that I enjoy material gifts anymore; I still do! Specially if they have something to do to help me with my spiritual growth.

But above all of these things that God has graced me with, I am most thankful, grateful and in awe of having received my salvation and having started my walk with Him. These truly are the highlights of my year--my life. It'll be--and will always be--the greatest gift I've ever had!

Thank You, God, for showing me these things!

Thank You, Jesus, for being my Savior, Lord and best friend! And for bringing me closer to Him.

For loving me, for forgiving me, and for accepting me.

I am now Your daughter. A princess in Your eyes.

And I shall only please my one and only Father. :)

Thank You - Katinas

Here's a lovely song to which I feel listening to right now. :]

My inadequacies and His sufficiency.

The other day I started on reading The Purpose Driven Life. I've already started on that book, so long ago that I don't even know when it was. All I know is that I stopped because I didn't feel that urge to continue on it. I haven't met God yet at that time.

But it all made sense to me to read that book the other night. I actually tried to read it that exact night on my bed, but due to my excessive crying (for so long), my eyes were so stressed out that I didn't even know I fell asleep that instant. And so, as I woke up the next day, I read it. I can still remember some fragments of it from my premature reading in the past, but I know that God will reveal more to me now that I'm reading this book in a new perspective. Not only that I'm a new creation in Him, but also as I gained more knowledge about Him, my thirst and hunger for more wisdom to acquire also expanded enormously. It's like I wanna read all the books--classics and contemporary--that may and will help me deepen my wisdom so I can share more with other people.

What I fail to realize somehow (funny that I am acknowledging such thoughts right now) is that I won't learn or gain more wisdom by just merely reading. May it be from the Bible or from any other books done by God's blessings on His servants here on Earth. I can only gain it if I'd live it. And as far as I can get, I do and I wanna do more.

Lately, I've encountered huge problems with my family that it made me actually ask God to take my life away--if He wills it. I know that's not a good thing, but after calming my self and talking to Him and meditating, now that I look back at it, I know and still firmly believe that nothing is ever worth giving up my life with except for Christ. If it's not for pursuing Him, then it's not worth giving my life to. And I know this for a fact because He let me know it. And I'll always thank Him for that knowledge and security He's graced me with.

That was so immature of me to ask of of God, and I know that He knows that. Sometimes, great waves of emotions and other turmoils blinds us. I don't want that. And I asked for His forgiveness about my lack of faith and strength during those times. I was so vulnerable to making sins and irrational things on that moment. But that's when God's greatness may shine more into us. As it is said in Philippians 4:13,

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

It is from Him where I get my strength. He is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge (Psalms 18:2). And so, I am not afraid to admit my weaknesses and show it to Him. I lay it all to Him. And I know that He'll help me with it and guide, aid and carry me. My inadequacies will be filled by His sufficiency.

And though I've cried before all of this, I smile for that. :]

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:) count: 6

#2

I've got my last sem's grades a couple of days ago. They weren't my best. Actually, they're the worst that I've got since I entered college. I couldn't say that I did not expect this--I was actually anticipating for them to be much worse. I slacked off last semester. My mind did not and could not take any more of my courses mainly because... I don't love 'em.

I'd really like to be an educator. Or a writer. But I am now studying a pre-med program (Pharmacy). Well actually, Medicine's been my childhood dream. But ever since I fell in love with teaching way back in my high school days, I just couldn't get it off my mind on why am I doing and learning these things instead of pursuing my dream?

Well, here comes my frown: I'm disappointed at myself.  I haven't lived up to my own set of goals when I started that semester. I was determined to get my scholarship back (which can be obtained in our school depending on your GWA on the previous semester) since I was fueled because I got accepted in a school organization/program that I've been praying for to be in.

But as I contemplated on myself, it wasn't so bad at all. Firstly, I passed all of my courses/subjects. Not everyone in my class did. Actually, I feel blessed and humbled that though I have not done my best (I can say that in all honesty, but I am not--in any way--proud of it), God didn't let me fail. It's like Him saying, "Come on, child. I've seen you do better. I've created you to be better!" I may not understand why am I on this program, but I don't need to understand. I need to trust Him. And as bad as it is, my display of lack of confidence with my studies and my frustrations about not getting into the program that I wanted for myself is an outrageous display of my mistrust in Him. But He is so faithful that my inadequacies are filled by His sufficiency. I don't deserve any of it, and yet He never failed me (literally and figuratively), ever! So how come I fail Him all the time? But, no. Oh, NO! Not anymore!

I am gonna make Him proud. I wanna please Him. It's the very message of my rants: I gotta share Him and live for Him. And I will.

Secondly, with all of these revelations and wisdom that God has blessed me to read, listen and learn about (more of that on my next posts or so), I am always in awe of His greatness. It's like I'll never stop falling in love for Him! And I like--uh, scratch that--LOVE this feeling! There's always something new to discover, a new person to meet or read about and be amazed and inspired by their works for His name, sights to enjoy, moments to capture, and more work to do for Him! There's just so many things that I'm pretty sure that there's no language that can encompass His whole greatness and all the things that He blesses me with! Knowing Him changed my perspective a whole lot. Actually, I believe that He has given me a new set of eyes--I just sometimes couldn't believe that all my life, I have missed these things that are new for me (but are actually already laid in front of everyone since the beginning of time). That I'm seeing and learning just now. I've never seen or experienced anything like it before I started my walk with Him. And I know He has planned it all along for me.

Then again, the greatest step that I ever took in my entire life was the one that started my walk with Him. It always will be.

And I smile for that.

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:) count: 4