#2

I've got my last sem's grades a couple of days ago. They weren't my best. Actually, they're the worst that I've got since I entered college. I couldn't say that I did not expect this--I was actually anticipating for them to be much worse. I slacked off last semester. My mind did not and could not take any more of my courses mainly because... I don't love 'em.

I'd really like to be an educator. Or a writer. But I am now studying a pre-med program (Pharmacy). Well actually, Medicine's been my childhood dream. But ever since I fell in love with teaching way back in my high school days, I just couldn't get it off my mind on why am I doing and learning these things instead of pursuing my dream?

Well, here comes my frown: I'm disappointed at myself.  I haven't lived up to my own set of goals when I started that semester. I was determined to get my scholarship back (which can be obtained in our school depending on your GWA on the previous semester) since I was fueled because I got accepted in a school organization/program that I've been praying for to be in.

But as I contemplated on myself, it wasn't so bad at all. Firstly, I passed all of my courses/subjects. Not everyone in my class did. Actually, I feel blessed and humbled that though I have not done my best (I can say that in all honesty, but I am not--in any way--proud of it), God didn't let me fail. It's like Him saying, "Come on, child. I've seen you do better. I've created you to be better!" I may not understand why am I on this program, but I don't need to understand. I need to trust Him. And as bad as it is, my display of lack of confidence with my studies and my frustrations about not getting into the program that I wanted for myself is an outrageous display of my mistrust in Him. But He is so faithful that my inadequacies are filled by His sufficiency. I don't deserve any of it, and yet He never failed me (literally and figuratively), ever! So how come I fail Him all the time? But, no. Oh, NO! Not anymore!

I am gonna make Him proud. I wanna please Him. It's the very message of my rants: I gotta share Him and live for Him. And I will.

Secondly, with all of these revelations and wisdom that God has blessed me to read, listen and learn about (more of that on my next posts or so), I am always in awe of His greatness. It's like I'll never stop falling in love for Him! And I like--uh, scratch that--LOVE this feeling! There's always something new to discover, a new person to meet or read about and be amazed and inspired by their works for His name, sights to enjoy, moments to capture, and more work to do for Him! There's just so many things that I'm pretty sure that there's no language that can encompass His whole greatness and all the things that He blesses me with! Knowing Him changed my perspective a whole lot. Actually, I believe that He has given me a new set of eyes--I just sometimes couldn't believe that all my life, I have missed these things that are new for me (but are actually already laid in front of everyone since the beginning of time). That I'm seeing and learning just now. I've never seen or experienced anything like it before I started my walk with Him. And I know He has planned it all along for me.

Then again, the greatest step that I ever took in my entire life was the one that started my walk with Him. It always will be.

And I smile for that.

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